THE HAREM
Come on, wake up. Wake up, darling
What's wrong with these animals?
Gianni, I need to talk to you
- What's the matter? - I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind
I don't want to marry you anymore
- Then I'll marry you - I'm serious
- I don't want to marry you - Fine. Now come here
- Let's make love - Yes. But I don't want to get married
Everything has been booked - church, honeymoon, reception at the Hilton
Are you saying I should marry you because the Hilton has been booked?
What you do with your life is your decision...
...but I want to know why you waited until now...
...7:14 am on our wedding day...
...to tell me you don't want to get married
Cuffs, please. Why shouldn't we get married?
Because I'm scared
I'd like to, because I really don't want to upset you
But my fear is stronger
Sorry, but I can't do it
This is madness!
I can already picture the headline...
..."High-profile businessman dumped by fiancée on his wedding day"
Are you afraid you won't be able to be faithful to me?
No, on the contrary
I'd be too faithful
I'd only think about you. I'd worry about you
I'd take care of you, to the point of losing my identity...
...and becoming nothing other than your possession
Eventually we'd grow tired of each other
- And who could blame us? - We've already covered this subject
You'll carry on working
We'll decide together when to have kids
Until then we'll carry on as we're doing now, using the pill
No... Why don't we carry on as we are now?
No ceremony, honeymoon or reception at the Hilton
Just imagine - today we could spend the whole day together
Come on, we have so much free time
No, listen
Marry me
Then if in four months or a year you don't feel happy...
...we will separate. If you want, I can put it in writing
Come on, let's get married Margherita
I'm sorry, darling. But I can't
OK. Let's end this, then
Are you absolutely positive?
In that case, it's not you who is dumping me
It's me who is breaking up with you
You'll realise that it's going to be much worse for you than for me
Hello, is the professor there? Wake him up, it's urgent
It's Invernizza speaking.
Hello? I can't go into detail right now...
...but I have changed my mind
I'm not getting married. I don't want to get trapped in
No, I haven't told her yet
Anyway, the official excuse is that I'm ill
I don't know! You think of something! Appendicitis, peritonitis...
Send an ambulance to my house in an hour
Just make sure you send an ambulance
It has to be very loud so that everybody can hear that they're taking me away
OK. See you at the clinic. Bye
And remember, my dear...
...that a woman can only find fulfilment in marriage, family and kids
Have you been drinking?
Come in
So, no wedding?
No... But I do love him
It's just that I'm confused
And scared
I don't care
I'm almost happy. I don't like that Gianni
Would you like some tomato juice?
I'm sorry, but you should have made up your mind sooner...
...not on your wedding day. Salt or pepper?
Why do you eat these nice, colourful puddings every morning?
Because they're low in calories
Plus, I love colours
I don't want to be anybody's property
Three kilometres in the snow, idiot
- The lady has managed to get here - She must be better than me, then
- Hello, dear! How are you? - Hi, Gaetano
You don't like this house, right?
Yes, it's a bit weird. Lucky your mother didn't come...
...or God knows what she'd have told me!
No, it's not that I don't like it. On the contrary, I find it very original
You know I'm not here to see the house
Any news from your fiancé? How are you doing?
Why do you care so much about him?
It's you I care about, not him. You shouldn't feel guilty
You've done the right thing. Women have to defend their freedom
And modern men must understand that women, in spite of appearance...
...are still the most fragile and defenceless beings
We have to help them to break out of their chains...
...to be independent, to follow their instinct and true aspirations
I'm sorry. I'm pedantic, but the subject fascinates me
Carry on. It's not easy to find a man who speaks like you
Mind you, I don't speak like this to other women
Let's go and eat something. We'll warm up
As you wish
- What time did you get here? - At 7:00
Poor you
It's snowing, you know?
Darling, it's snowing
My hair is driving me mad!
- Which one is Gianni? - The bald one
- And the other one? - That's Mike
A bit bonkers, but quite a nice guy
One day he left for Kenya. God knows where he is now
In other words, your little emotional graveyard
Can we consider them dead?
No... They're both alive
How soft!
I'd love to have my little place too
You never know
Come here, Gaetano
Let's have a romantic dinner
Here. Let's turn the chair towards the window
Come and sit down
I'm in love, Margherita
Madly in love
You realised that, didn't you?
Yes, I did
- And you? - Me?
I don't know
It's too early to think about that again
You're nice...
...kind...
...you've helped me through rough times
I'm nice, I'm kind and I'm very comforting
Is that all, Margherita?
No, I also like you... very much
No violence
You said you would help me break centuries-old chains and barriers
You're contradicting yourself, my dear lawyer
You're right, I'm sorry
I don't know what happened to me
But I kept telling myself, "Calm down...
..."you don't have any right to violate her personality, she needs sweetness"
Now you're exaggerating
Don't be silly, Gaetano. You're great
I want to go away
I love it when you pull this childlike face
Look
I am childish
You are childish
We're all childish
Who's throwing darts?
Mike! How crazy! I'm so happy to see you again!
You're such a fool. You could have killed me!
It's a present for you
The cheetah's name is Jack
- But he doesn't know - Take him away or I won't come out
How crazy to bring a wild animal here!
It's just a baby cub...
...and I've taken out all his teeth
Are you absolutely sure he's harmless?
Come on, open up, Margherita
OK, I'll open the door
Mike, how wonderful!
- What happened to your eye? - I've lost it
How silly!
- Let's have a look! - No, what are you doing?
- Why are you undressing me? - I want to see your whole body
No, let me cover up, I'm cold. What do you want?
Here. Stand still
- But why? - I want to take a picture of you
Are you a photographer now?
200 different Margheritas
The Lady from Shanghai
- And now... let's go to bed! - No!
Three days of travelling, five planes...
...and a taxi to get here
No! Not with that beast in here. No!
Unless you attack him, he's harmless
I'm scared anyway
Be good, Jack
I'm sleepy. I want to have a really good sleep
No, you can't stay here
- Why not? - I'll take you to a hotel
A hotel?
What nonsense. Hotels drive me mad
- I want to stay here - No
Either you go to a hotel or to René's house
And take your cat with you, because I don't want him
You don't want me anymore?
I understand now. You married Gianni, that fat guy
I'm not prejudiced. You didn't get married?
So, we can still make love
Yes, but not now. Get up
I'm staying here, Margherita
- Jack, we're staying here - No. You are going!
- What are you doing? - Do you like them?
They suit you
Beautiful
Don't be silly
- Go and get the car - Yes, boss!
Nice guy, this Mike. He goes hunting in Kenya...
...dances, plays the drums and knows a lot of back girls
- Ugo Tognazzi! - Yes
Pleased to meet you
Thanks
He's the sexiest Italian actor
I don't find him that sexy
You see? The blackmail has already started
- What blackmail? - The emotional blackmail
You had a long face all night. And all because of Mike
Where's your understanding? Your generosity?
Now you accuse me of being jealous. I know I don't have rights on you, but...
May I?
- Margherita! - It suits you
- It suits her more than you - Let's go. The car's here
Sir, the car's waiting at the door
- Thanks, Mike - You're welcome
Listen, why don't we take Mike home first?
I'd love to be alone with you
No, Gaetano. I'm tired
I'd like to go to bed. Plus, Mike lives with René
Let's go
- Why does he have to live there? - How nice!
So...
...let's see if I can help you make things clear once and for all
You always say you're cold, but then you don't put enough clothes on
You're such a darling
How can this be possible?
A woman like you - intelligent, independent...
...with great clearness of mind ...
...doesn't know what she wants when it comes to feelings
I don't know. Do you?
At least I don't annoy you all the time with my problems
Are you really annoyed that I keep asking you for advice?
No, but at least I'd like you to put it into practice
- What are you doing? - Nothing
No! Why are you cutting them up?
To make an identikit...
...of your ideal man
Come here
Look carefully
I've divided it up equally from the faces of three men... your men
Forehead, eyes and nose - sensuality
Mouth, chin and neck - determination. Do you agree? OK
Now, let's try it with these segments of Gianni, Mike and Gaetano
Your ideal man. Like this, this, and this
What do you think? Don't you like it?
I suggest we take out this big nose
You haven't understood anything
I don't want an ideal man. I want them
Then why don't you carry on as you've done so far?
A bit of hypocrisy, a bit of discretion
A lot of women do that
But why should I be hypocritical with them?
I respect them. I don't want to deceive them
But now I can't give any of them up
Not Gianni, not Gaetano nor Mike
So, what you want is... a harem
That's it. Wait a second
René... I'd hoped you would understand me
A harem
You think sex can solve everything
Right
- Bye - Have you decided where to go?
- To Yugoslavia, for two weeks - Have a nice holiday
- And enjoy yourself - I'll try to
Have I done the right thing by leaving? Jack, stop it!
Do you think that I can solve my problems by running away?
You're not running away. Don't exaggerate
Think of it as a little holiday
It's easier to think straight in a new environment. Plus, you'll have some rest
- Do you ever work? - In theory I work in public relations
But if I'm busy with your private relations...
So you're my eunuch
What I don't understand is why you want to go all the way to Yugoslavia
I've heard that Dubrovnik is beautiful
And at this time of year it's warm and sunny
- We'll swim a lot - Yeah, in January?
How nice! Come on, get out!
Let's go
It looks like taking a holiday wasn't the right therapy after all
Maybe you're not the right doctor for me
And who would you need?
You don't want to tell me, do you?
You'd need all three of them waiting on you
Why don't you invite them over? I'm serious
Call them. You just need to send a telegram...
...and I bet they'll come running!
- The exchange is one to two - Listen...
...it's better if you accept the situation. We've both received a telegram
So we're even
- Where are the taxis? - At the exit
Thanks. By the way, I'm very calm
Are you free?
Can you take us to this address?
Very modern
- A 60-metre concrete vault - A big factory
- Come and visit me - Many thanks
- Is the taxi ready? - This way, sir
- Is Tristeno part of Dubrovnik? - Yes
- That way - Are there any good restaurants?
Excuse me, which villa is it?
Margherita, they're here. They've all arrived at the same time
OK, go and greet them
- Where's the ammonia? - Don't tell them I sent the telegrams!
No, don't worry. Don't say a word, just that I'm ill
Margherita has always been a bit strange
Nice place
We're not alone anymore. There's three of us now
- How are you? - Not too bad
- Did you have a nice trip? - Yes, thanks
- Who's this gentleman? - Of course! You two haven't met before
Gaetano Mattia di Fucillà, lawyer
Gianni Invernizza, engineer
Nice to meet you
- Margherita has told me about you - She's told me about you too
Your mother is a friend of Margherita's right?
Margherita is my friend. I like to take care of my friends personally...
...not through my mother - Let's try to keep calm
If Margherita has summoned the three of us here, she must be really ill
Must be
To be honest, I'd rather be here on my own...
...but I would never forbid anybody from seeing Margherita
I'm sorry, I am not aware of your feelings for Margherita...
...and I don't want to disclose mine...
...but we shouldn't go up to her on a war footing
You're right, Gaetano
OK. After you
- After you - No, I insist
Sniff this
My God! What's going to happen?
- It's a nice villa - It's not the best time to talk about it
- Where's Margherita? - She's upstairs, resting. Speak quietly
I hope that animal didn't make her ill
- Who knows - Follow me, but be quiet
After all, it comes from the jungle, and the jungle is contaminated
What's wrong with her?
- She arrived here feeling dizzy... - She's certain it's serious?
Of course That's why she sent the telegrams
Why did she come to Yugoslavia? I bet it was your idea
Me? She dragged me here It's you. It's all your fault
- After you - No, please, after you
Margherita, I have a surprise. Look who's here to see you
How kind of you
Hi, how are you?
Don't worry. We're here now
Come on, Margherita. Aren't you happy to see us?
I feel so ashamed
But why?
Because...
...I forced the three of you to come here all together
But I really needed you
Margherita, don't worry about that
It's nonsense
- Am I right? - He's right
See? We've become friends
Even Gianni and Gaetano
- It was quite funny - Oh, I do apologise
We were all on the same flight but we didn't see each other
I met Michael at the airport, when I arrived. Gianni was already here
You said you are friends but you speak so formally to each other
Sometimes we get it wrong, but...
...look
My dear old friend, Gaetano
My dear Gianni. See?
We all like each other. Isn't that so, Mike?
If it was true, I'd love to get better...
...and be with all of you without any issues
Where's René?
My dear René
So sweet, so lovely
If you could be friends for real, I know I'd get better straight away
- Are you all right? - If I could have all of you around me...
...in harmony as you are now
- Wouldn't that be great? - Of course. We're staying
Of course. Now we know what we have to do
What a wonderful holiday we could spend all together
Don't you think so, Gaetano?
Of course
It would be wonderful, wouldn't it?
Everything you want, Margherita. But don't tire yourself
But then why the long faces?
I am so happy
Aren't you happy?
Here I am, miraculously cured!
Gentlemen, she's been pulling our legs
She's done a good job
And you were a party to this. We'll talk again about this!
- I'm not responsible for this - We'll see!
What if I had called you to explain myself?
Yes, but you should have at least called us individually
Come on. Don't look at me like that
- You tricked us - It's true, I lied to you
But just to get you here
I missed you and...
No! It's ammonia! Don't breathe in, there's ammonia in it!
- Don't touch me! - Throw it away!
- Murderer! - He needs water
- How much was there? - Quite a lot
- It's all right - Here's some water
- Wash your eyes - Do you think it will be enough?
You'll feel better straight away
- It's partly my fault - Don't be ridiculous...
- Don't worry, it's just fumes ...I shouldn't have left it there
Let's go back to the hotel
What about you, Mike? Are you staying here?
Maybe she's right, or maybe not. I want to try and understand
- So I'll stay - Of course he wants to stay
He's a pervert
My case
- Are you sure, Mike? - Let's go to the hotel
Yes, I'm staying
Don't mix with scum
Well, now that we're alone...
...what are we going to do? - You have to go as well
Either all or none
First you invite me, then you chuck me out?
I don't want to go
It wouldn't be such a bad idea to stay here on holiday for a couple of days
Yes, it might be nice
- I was about to marry her, you know? - Really? What happened?
I changed my mind at the last minute
So, when did you meet her?
It was through my mother, I didn't...
I'm not saying I'm a mummy's boy, on the contrary...
...but you know mothers - they want to see you settled
She said she was an intelligent girl...
...and quite pretty, so why not marrying her?
You know what mothers can be like
- Margherita chucked me out - He's back
She said either all or none
What is he doing here?
I'll come around
- What about women? - I don't care anymore. Cheers, to us!
To us!
I must say, there's one thing I like about Margherita
Her honesty
- The lawyer is appealing to the court - 16 degrees!
Maybe "honesty" is not the right word
Maybe I should say "loyalty". Another woman in her place...
...would have stayed in Rome and cheated on us three at the same time
- Instead, she ran away and confessed - So we're cuckolded and happy
Why do you have to say "cuckolded"? It's an obsession
What are you trying to say?
I want to take some of these bottles back to Italy
It's very simple
Margherita wants the three of us
Did you hear that? According to this immoral person...
...a woman can love three men at the same time
Where's our fried fish?
Yes, because in a matriarchal society...
That's rubbish! I have been to university too, you know?
The idea of matriarchy makes me laugh
Women are biologically inferior to men
- Do you know what Plato said? - No
Or maybe it was Rousseau, I can't remember now
"The ideal family, and therefore the ideal society...
..."should be based on the freedom of the husband...
..."and the subjection of the wife"
- Our sardines! - The service in here is awful
I don't understand why tourists come here to Dubrovnik and spend so much
Yes, it's a nice city
- But it's similar to Venice - Is this a scale?
Italian! Please, weigh yourselves
- 100 kg - That's impossible
- Are you drunk? - The scale is right
- The scale is precise, it doesn't lie - Put it on 80 kg
- How are you? - I've tried a new great restaurant
I've eaten really nice fresh fish
Ask him where we can find prostitutes
- 90 kg. That's right - Good
This is Mr Fucillà, a friend of mine from Rome
Many thanks
So, goodbye
You're crazy
- Why? - How do we find them now?
- Oh, please! - They must be somewhere
I don't know the guy, I can't just ask things like that.
I don't want to find prostitutes, I want to go to bed. We're leaving tomorrow
Is that René?
I don't want anything to do with you or Margherita. Bye
- Come on, Renato - What do you want?
Don't go away. Stay with us
- Renato, come here - Come on, Renato
I don't want anything to do with your Margherita
You mean "your", not "our" Margherita
- What happened? - That wicked woman. It's your fault
- Did Margherita do that? - Who else?
- If you keep laughing, I'm going - No, wait
If she'd thrown that stone a bit harder, she would have killed me
- But where's Margherita? - I'll take you there
Drink up
Give me the bottle
- I want some, too - Who did that? Margherita?
I suggest we go there and say hello as friends
Just to be polite Do you agree, Gianni?
- He's right - Yes, why not?
We'll say hello, as if nothing happened, then we'll leave
I agree, but let's be very cold
- Yes, as cold as ice - That will teach her
Young lad, do you like Margherita too?
Margherita, do you like this lad?
Our flight is tomorrow morning
We've lost Margherita...
...and we've found plum brandy
As we said, our plane only leaves tomorrow morning
Didn't you find anything better?
We're not drunk
- It's a souvenir, right Mike? - Yes
René, join us!
Wait
- René! - Here, Gianni. Drink up
Listen, René. Make an effort. Say hello to her
Come on, let's go. Come
Margherita, look what you've done to him
Poor René
If it wasn't for them, I would have reported you
You'll pay for this, sooner or later
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you
Right on the temple
I'm going back to Rome with them
- Good bye - Good luck. Bye
No, wait. Let's stay a bit longer
- Wait - We'll listen to some music
- I'm tired, I have to go back to the hotel - No hotel
Gianni, no. We're not leaving
Margherita, taste this brandy. It's made with plums
Thank you
- René... - Drink with us. Drink
Drink some more
- Thanks - Mind you, this isn't a reconciliation
- Isn't that right, Gaetano? - Absolutely
- We're just friends - OK, Gianni. As you wish
Here you are, René
Margherita, I'll forgive everything
Can we make a fresh start?
Margherita, I may be crazy but I cannot leave without you
Do you know that those two wanted to look for prostitutes?
But I said no
I am different
Listen, I'll close down the factory and sell everything
We'll travel around the world, just the two of us
I'm going to marry you, Margherita. I need you
Where are we going?
Come on, wake up!
Come on, wake up, guys. We're here
"Here" where?
Don't touch me, Margherita. Gianni, help me
A sportsman like you, tired already!
Look at me. I am a businessman but I'm fine
Today's sportsmen are different
Mike, Gaetano. Let's make this clear
I didn't object to coming here, but there was one condition
From now on the three of us must respect Margherita
We're here as friends
Do we agree?
- Yes - OK
- He rebuked you, eh? - Let's go in!
Come on, Mike, wake up
Come on, wake up, Mike
Instead of staying here why don't you go and sleep in your bedroom? It's ready
Here, this is for you
No, Mike... l'm tired
If you don't want to make love, why did you wake me up?
Tell me
Why did you make love to Gianni this morning? I saw you
I don't know
Because he's nice, kind...
...and he still talks about marrying me
So what? I was the first one
Your first love
You can never forget your first love
Come on! You know you like it
Wake up
Close the shutters, please
No, you have to wake up
We have to make love
- You have the same rights - What?
- It's beautiful here - Do you like this?
It smells great! It's butter
- Pepper? - No
It feels like spring over here
Listen, where are Margherita and Gaetano?
They're coming. You're lucky you could sleep
I had to go shopping and rush through the housework
- Don't you have a maid? - In the morning, just for cleaning
But now you're here it's not enough anymore
- I'll have to solve the problem - Come on
We'll see
Are you going to stay?
Maybe
For a couple of days
It's a nice place and the food is great
I don't see why we should go
Plus, Mummy René takes care of everything
What do you think, Mike? Shall we stay for a few days?
I'm OK with that. I'd already said that I would stay
How cute! If only the Americans could see him. It's like Walt Disney!
- Beautiful - Good morning, dears!
- Good morning - Did you sleep well? Here you are
What does this mean?
What kind of joke is this?
Can you pass me the butter, please?
Thanks
I am immoral
You are immoral
And he is immoral
I'm sorry but I still don't understand
You, my dear...
...yesterday morning on the beach. Method - sweetness
That's right
You, in the villa
Method - violence
Me, in my bed, taken advantage of
Not bad
We're missing a sign. Give me the pen
You know what I'm going to write?
"Bitch"!
I am an amoral...
...not an immoral
Let me remind you that we had a deal
- Do you remember? - No
I'm sorry but I didn't break the deal
I have been taken advantage of
We're only men. We can't resist temptations
She should have respected us, in this case
Plus, I was drunk last night
I really don't understand. What does she want?
Do you know?
She wants all of us at her service
At any time
So she can take from each of us what she wants
That's it
We shouldn't even be discussing this! She's a mad visionary
As far as I'm concerned, I don't understand jealousy
And I think you are nice people to be around
- I'm coming! - Have you seen my friends?
- They're in the garden - What are they doing in the garden?
Can I ask you what this is all about?
It's your harem, princess
I don't want a harem
And I don't want to have to choose either. I want to be chosen and loved
But that's impossible. We have already decided to be your slaves, am I right?
Do you want to play harem? Very well
- Sit down, princess - Let's play harem
Please sit down, princess
Spanish slave, the veil
Lift up the veil
Let our princess sit
- Careful, please - Be gentle
Shall we lift up the stretcher now?
Slowly!
René, please help me carry the princess
I can't! I am her eunuch!
- Let's go, slaves - Take him away
We're taking Madam Susanna for a swim
Careful down the steps
Who had this brilliant idea? Damn it!
I even have to be a porter now!
Place the princess over there, quick!
Good. The black slave here. You...
Come closer. Quick
Careful
Princess, may I introduce to you your slaves?
Eunuch, you can introduce the harem
Thank you
The slave from Nubia
Very faithful
Extremely strong
Come on, get up
Great stallion. Extraordinary muscles. Good at everything
Spanish soldier. Taken prisoner in Lepanto. Kneel down! He's worth a lot
He can read, write and... his teeth are healthy
- Back away on your knees - Stop it
Come on, enough of this farce
And now the best specimen - the Puritan. He didn't want to undress
Come on, introduce yourself to the lady
Panic flute
And now you can choose
The slave from Nubia
The Spanish soldier
The Puritan
They're all equals to me
Leave me alone
I'll make my choice when I feel ready
I don't understand what's so funny about it
She has to have fun, not us
No wonder, just look at her
Very romantic indeed
Very romantic
I am Gaetano's mother. The landlady's friend
Signorina Margherita. Italian. Sick
Yes, Margherita. Italian. In the garden
Take this off now. The light's beautiful
We'll take lots of pictures and send them to "Playboy"
My God!
That's not my son!
How awful!
Maid, take me to see my son...
...Mattia de Fucillà
No, hair down. Like this
That's it. Don't bite me, little cat
Naughty cat
Here you are
- This is your son's room - Leave us alone, please
Oh, my God! What's the matter?
You ask me that! What kind of man are you?
Mum, what are you doing here?
It's a disgrace! Don't say a word!
Thank God your father is dead
Yes, but you can't judge me like...
Get dressed!
Oh, my God. I don't feel well
Mum, calm down
You can't judge me like this, without letting me explain
You liked Margherita and René so much
Mum, what's wrong? Come on, Mum
You'll end up making me cry too
Please
It's good, isn't it? Wouldn't you like to eat it?
Get your tongue off. This is not mould, you know
It's seasoned
Now the only problem is transporting it
It's a rarity. We don't have this kind of ham in Italy
If you add tax, you end up paying as much as you would for a Parma ham
San Daniele ham is the same price
I'm pleased to see you again
- He hasn't done anything - Yes, he has
- Everybody is a pervert in this house - Mum
Calm down. I'll explain you later
Mum, calm down, please
What's wrong, Mum?
The car is just outside. Can you walk?
- Who is she? - His mother
His poor mother
Who called her here?
Oh, dear
- Are you talking about Gianni? - Yes
Let's go and get some fresh air
Gianni is her uncle
He has nothing to do with this. Why do you think I accept this situation?
Because you're madly in love with her
No, it's because Margherita is cheating on the photographer with me
You don't know anything. Put this on, it's cold
You must look after yourself
This is how things went
Mike was Margherita's first love
He came back after I met her, and he wanted to get back with her
Do you understand now, Mum?
I'll spend three or four days here
I need a holiday every now and then, don't you think?
Be careful, son
Yes, don't worry
- Only passengers on board - Yes, thank you
- Bye, Mum - Bye-bye. Take care
- No visitors on board - Have a safe trip
Gaetano, promise me you'll never marry that woman
Yes, Mum. Yes, bye. I promise you
His mother came here thinking she would find her son engaged
Or almost. If it had been your mum...
...can you imagine it?
My mother is dead
I think you're making a big deal out of nothing
Stop acting dumb
I consider Gaetano's mum as my own
- As our own - True
Where's your mother?
- She left - What?
You let her go on her own?
- What else could I do? - Take this
She doesn't want to know about me anymore. She left cursing me
Poor woman
- Where's Margherita? - She's upstairs
Don't be too harsh with her. She's devastated
She didn't even want to eat
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room. I'm very tired
We should all leave
Do you realise how terrible this situation is?
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother...
...and hold fast to his wife...
...and they shall become one flesh
We have made a mistake. Poor woman
Why did she have to come here?
- Can I switch the light on? - If you want to
"The Triumph of Death", by D'Annunzio
Giorgio Rispa is madly in love with lppolita...
... a woman he has shaped to meet his requirements...
... and suit his needs
The dissatisfaction of this relationship is slowly consuming their lives
Only isolation and contact with nature...
And contact with nature...
... give way to feelings of regret...
... while the mystic aspirations...
... can't relieve the pain...
... caused by a string of sins, until death puts an end to it
This is how she appeared
A strong, intelligent courtesan who was inspired by grace
Wonderful in her voluptuous aura
Although she may appear to me in many different ways...
... her shape is outlined by my desire...
... and her shadows are produced by my thoughts
The way she appears to me every moment...
It's worse than a Hitchcock film
There isn't a law that regulates the sale of these pills yet
- Thanks anyway - I understand but... l'm sorry
Margherita, you should have seen it! I've been attacked by...
I'm not talking to you after what you've done
No, Margherita, listen. I explained to you why I've done it
I thought you'd appreciate it
Why don't you want to accept it as a sign of love? I'll take my responsibilities
Close that umbrella. Can't you see that it's not raining anymore?
You shouldn't have thrown away my pills
They belonged to me
I want a baby from you
Ah, very well!
What's going to happen when the baby is born?
Who is going to keep it? Me or you? Can you tell me?
What do you mean? We'll get married
Can't you take this as a sign of love?
How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to get married?
Margherita, don't you think you're being too repetitive?
Stop it! I don't want to hear you!
Go away!
- Where did you leave our friend Gianni? - In town
- Did you find the pills? - They don't have them here
Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find some tomorrow
There she is. The superior woman
Without the pill she's lost
No more equality of the sexes, right?
We're back to the time of cavemen
- And the ancestral fear is back - Very good, Mike
Of course I'm scared. Because you are irresponsible people
It's the one who threw the boxes away
Gianni, come here
What's wrong?
What have you done to the lady?
Me? Nothing
He wanted a baby, can you imagine?
Margherita, please
I really can't understand you, Gianni
Can't you see?
Conceiving babies in this situation! Who'd be the father?
Nothing happened
I don't even want a baby
We'd have sorted the paternity issue in alphabetical order
The first baby would be Gaetano's... G-A
The second Gianni's... G-I
The third Mike's... M-I
The fourth, strange as it may seem, would be René's
Leave me out of it, please
So you all think that my main aspiration is to have a baby from you?
You're just selfish and arrogant men
Let's be nice to this poor woman, let's give her a baby
So she'll feel happy, content
She'll believe she's become important
And let's also tell her that we're letting her raise our child
Making sure to stress the word "our"
She's even rebelling against the laws of biology
It was a great idea to throw the pills all over the place!
Gaetano, please, stop complaining
I'm cold and angry
When I throw things away, I throw things away
- Hey, are you not joining us? - No, I'm not going to play this silly game
I won't join you full stop
There's no more respect
You even trample on maternal feelings in order to achieve what you want
And now you're bringing babies into this
I disagree. And I won't allow you to make fun of sacred things
Come on. You're mad
Mike, have you found anything?
I've found two
See? With a bit of patience... He's found two
Hey, look what he's eating
What are you doing? Are you eating the pills? Open your mouth!
No, he's not eating the pills
Oh, look at this. Ouch! Stupid... Mike!
Come in. The film screening today is "Naked Curves"
You're not the only diva here. You have competition. Look
You know, the job of a photographer is great
It's good fun
You obviously have to find nice and interesting subjects
Margheritina, you're in the way. You're not see-through. Please, move
Next one?
- Take that insect off - It's a friend of mine
- Do you recognise it? - It's the desert
What is it then?
- Our Margherita - No way!
It's amazing what you can do with photography
Close the door
Mount Margherita
And now I'll show you a lady from Hamburg
I'll be the screen. Project the photo on my jumper
- That's it - Here you go
You can't fish when the sea's rough
Who said that? I've caught one, haven't I?
Madam wants to see you Come on, chop chop!
This place is not a harem. It's worse than the barracks
All done
Fancy a drink, Margherita?
The others will be right here
- Do you want some, Gaetano? - Yes, please
Why did you call them up? I didn't ask you to
You didn't...
...but you complain about being lonely
We need to be four bodies and one mind - yours
A rare specimen because it's the only one
- Fishermen... - Nice rifle. Did you buy it?
So, we'll all go hunting tomorrow
- Stop it - Look at them
Very good. You're planning to go hunting while the lady suffers from loneliness
I'm not suffering from anything
I know that real friendship is between men
I've introduced you, you became friends
- Now I can leave - What would we do without you?
Women are impossible to understand
She was the one who gathered us here...
...but now she's jealous of our friendship
So...
You are very confused. You can't decide, actually you don't want to decide
But the game is getting dangerous
Careful, because they will make all the decisions for you
- Can you tell me how it will end up? - No?
- Women... l'll never understand them - She got bored of us
I'm speaking for myself. But what do you think?
Margherita is not in town
Nor at the hotel. I don't know where to look for her anymore
When she feels like it, she'll come back
- I'm going to eat. I'm hungry - Me too
Here's your coffee
Wake up! Coffee time
- Coffee anybody? Gianni? - Yes, please
Hi, Margherita. We've been waiting for you for hours
- Coffee? - I'm leaving
You're leaving?
- She's leaving? - She's leaving
The lady does as she pleases
I won't ask you where you've been
I don't have the right to do it, but they are fuming
I couldn't stand it any longer
But you have to understand them. They spent all night looking for you
I'm sorry
- Are you really leaving? - Yes
- Are you going back to Rome? - In a few days
Did you meet somebody else? You did. I know you too well
Who is he?
Is he young?
- Why do you want to know? - Well, if it's a secret then...
...it's the man of your life
The problem is, today the maid is not even coming
Well, you can do the chores
No, Margherita! I'm tired of it. There's a limit to everything
I'm a man too!
I want to leave
Sorry, I locked up to make sure the cheetah wouldn't get out
Have a safe journey and be happy
We'd like to apologise to you
Can you accept our apologies?
Answer. Do you accept them? Come on, make peace
- Do you accept? - Come on. Let's part as friends
We've made a mistake. Forgive us
Forgive me
You have to forgive me
Wait, Margherita
Only one last favour
Mike's trousers
You can sew, can't you?
You're not a great housekeeper, but I assume you can at least sew
Look, five buttons are missing
Can you see what state he is in?
You wouldn't leave him like that, would you?
Only five buttons and then you're free to go
Look how beautiful she is
Tell her to prepare something to eat. I'm hungry
He wants you to prepare us something to eat
You will prepare us a nice lunch as a lasting memory
A nice lunch. Margherita, the housewife
Margherita, the angel of the house
Of course. Our angel
Lunch!
- Hooray for the spaghetti! - Well done!
Everybody - smell
Is everything on the table? Salt, pepper, sauce?
- Say when - As usual, there's something missing
It's easy to criticise, but you can't find Grana cheese here
- Wine, Gaetano? - Yes, please
This is for René
From the smell I can tell it's much better than yours
Pass the plate
Are you not going to eat with us?
Gaetano, pull up a chair
Sit down with us, Margherita. Come here
- Wait - Please
Now that the lady has sat down, we can start eating
Would you like some?
- This pasta's not that great. - I'm only eating it because I'm hungry
Then do what I'm doing...
...add some salt, and a bit of pepper
- René cooks much better - There's no comparison
It's still rubbish
Try some
Have some, come on
So you know it too
Not even the cheetah can eat it. This spaghetti's crap!
You can't do this to a lady
Gaetano, don't get carried away now. We're gentlemen
- I'm sorry - Margherita, I'm sorry...
...but a woman should at least be able to cook...
...but you don't have the faintest clue
At least spaghetti. She can't do anything, for God's sake!
Yes, he's right
Come on, Margherita, at least spaghetti
Don't you know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?
Didn't anyone tell you that?
You should have learnt something else apart from having sex
Cooking is not that difficult after all. What can you do? Tell us
What can you do?
Fried eggs
And steak
See, Margherita...
...first we made you become a good housewife...
...and now a beautiful erotic object
Do you know why?
It's not for our own pleasure
But for your own good
To allow you to get back to your natural female status
Sacred words
Stand up and take the blanket off
Do you want me naked?
No, Margherita, not naked
Don't overdo it
We just want you to be a nice erotic object
We're not pornographers
Maybe we should ask Prince Charming what he thinks
He's a man too...
...with his own opinions
Tell us where this Prince Charming is
We'll go and look for him, Margheritina. Where is he?
Here he is - Prince Charming!
Gaetano - a lawyer
Gianni - an engineer
Very good
Mike - unemployed
Name and surname
What's his name?
True... what could we call him?
What could his name be?
Tell us his name!
His name is "Secret Passion", "Mystery"
We'll just call him Mr X
- Do you agree? - Yes
First name, X. Surname, X
The sun
I am going to go now
Wait a second!
Before you leave we still have one more game to play
The tower game
It's a very interesting game
A very revealing scientific test
You'll like it too
And it's very stimulating
- Come on, let's play - We're ready
Give me your arm
Come on, princess!
Come on, the tower game is fun
Who are you? Where do you come from? What do you want?
She's an alien!
Careful, Mr X. She's an alien
Come on. Let's hurry up with this game
Margherita has to leave
I am cold!
This is salt
We have caught the alien!
And we're taking her to the tower!
'The Bridge of Sighs'
Mind the step
What an awful place. It gets worse and worse
Hurry up, Gianni!
We have to be quick!
Here we are, on top of the tower
Here
Sit down
We have here the lady, the tower and Mr X
Now, Margherita...
...you are on top of the tower with your Mr X
One of you has to jump to save the other's life
Understood, Mr X?
It's a nice test, but cruel. Like the Chinese bell one
You win a fortune but the man dies
They should do this in churches, before celebrating weddings
So, Margherita, who is going to jump?
One of you has to be willing to sacrifice their life for the other
What do you think?
Who is going to jump?
You or him?
Who is going to jump from the tower?
It's obvious, men are more selfish
But look at Margherita
She'd like to jump but she's a woman
Her feelings are decent
Margherita, make a decision, then you can leave
So, which one of you is going to jump?
I don't want to play this game anymore
Come on, be a good girl
Once you start a game you have to get to the end of it
Come on
We can wait for days, but you can't. You're in a hurry
It would be too easy to leave without making a decision
- You have to choose, Margheritina - Am I the one you'd like to push down?
It's the truth, you'd like to push me off the tower
Come on, Margherita. Come
You have to jump from here
Do you see what women are like?
First they use men, then get rid of them like old rags
Women have always made sacrifices for men
That's their real strength. Am I right, Mr X?
So, who do you want to push down, Margherita?
Me? You won't push me down!
THE END
Translated by Lorena Uras
DVD Subtitles by International Broadcast Facilities